To my love . . .

Wind blows through my hair, whispers soft words to me.
Trying to think of a new way to say something I've said
a thousand times before.

Each minute, our love grows stronger
each second, I want to hold you longer.
With this last kiss I send you off to bed
and wish sweet dreams to follow in your head.
If my words could meet you in your sleep,
I'd whisper of our love that soaks so deep.

The same beat - the same words run through my head.
How do I express my feelings in a different way after so long,
after so many times?
I don't know who I am without you.
I don't know where I end and you begin.
How can I ever be good enough for you?

I corrupted your innocence with my evil thoughts.
Reaching to the heavens, I pulled you down into my hell.
I can't let you leave. I won't let you leave.
If you'll be my Ham, I'll be your Lucy.

All the pain I've caused you, I wash away with my tears.
All your tears shed, I blow away with my smile.
If I die tomorrow, what will you remember of me?
The joy, the pain, the laughter, the tears?
After all these years. . . .

Beauty and the Beast

Beauty stares in the mirror -
she sees ugly reflecting back at her.

Stomach flab spilling over her underwear
and untoned muscle everywhere.
This is all she sees.
Never thin enough - she thinks she eats too much.
Another day, another skipped meal.
The hunger pains will soon subside, and then she will be
thin - beautiful.
Pretty means skinny; food is her enemy.
Shallow eyes and sunken cheeks is the beauty that she seeks.
Never thin enough - she thinks she eats too much.

Starring at the magazines, wondering why she doesn't look like them.
A picture of perfection she can never attain.
Dress it up, cover it up,
but the ugly shines through.
Her make-up cannot hide the hideous skin beneath.

Beauty looks in the mirror,
Sad eyes with a pain-filled smile stare back at her.

Man in the mirror

When I was just a little girl, I was afraid of mirrors. I thought that I was the reflection, and that I would disappear if the person on the other side walked away from the mirror. Thinking back to this now, maybe I am on the wrong side of the mirror . . . maybe our world is on the wrong side of the mirror. I wonder what life would be like if I stepped through - journeyed to the other side.

Only Alice knows.

Self Absorbed

All eyes on me . . . including my own.
I sulk and obsess over my feelings, while never considering how those around me feel. I say I love them - I say I care - but I rarely think of how my actions, my words affect them. I think of myself; absorbed in my thoughts, drowning in my emotions, nothing else matters. . . .

The centre of my universe is me.

All eyes on me.

Adventures Ahead

A new world awaits at my feet, but I am afraid to take the next step. The ground ahead is not as sturdy as before. Unsure of who I am - less sure of who I've been . . . .
Another portion of my journey has ended and I am about to venture forth anew. My hands shake at the prospect of uncertainty.
Where am I going?
Who have I been?
When the sun rises tomorrow, it shall light a new path for me.

shorth and long

The lovely lady comeths down the stair.
Long silver streams adorned throughout her hair.
Her attire doth trail upon the ground.
Divine green lace doth flowing all around.
What beauty treads across the tainted floor!
Her beauteous figure enchants my core.
What witty words departure from her lips!
Undaunted, her hands remain ‘pon her hips.
Her voice: ‘tis music floating upon air.
Tortured silence: no longer shall I bear.
I shall speaketh my words of devotion:

“Come hither, darling angel from above.
Thy fair visage, ‘tis softer than a dove.”

…But what if thou bethinketh me insane?
…Perchance you shall return my vows… What thane?
My tortured soul cries upwards for mercy.
The god above guffaws aloud at me.

My Hands

I raise my weak, swollen hands to my reddened cheeks in a feeble attempt to stop the mournful tears from falling. My bloodshot eyes burn like scorching candle wax dripping on my hand. My short nails bitten off to my fingertips scratch my soft, fragile face causing a trickle of blood to grace my sullen cheeks. I bring my left hand to my parted lips and savagely bite down on the skin surrounding my fingernails. Pain erupts from my fingertips as I try to mask my inner turmoil with the physical pain of ripping skin. I tightly grasp the throbbing finger in my other hand and bite my lip trying to prevent my eyes from bleeding with tears.

:-( :-( :-( :-( :-(

My small, childish hands gracefully soar across the paper, gaily creating colourful swirls with the bright paint smeared across my soft fingers. I create serene circles of paint with my delicate fingertips elegantly racing across the white page. A peaceful sigh escapes from my gentle, pink lips as the beautiful colours seep from my joyous hands onto the page. The seemingly endless circles enchant me as I stare into their centers. They mystically dance across the page chasing after my waiting hands.

=) =) =) =) =)

I slowly and cautiously lift the fork clasped firmly in my tired hand to my mouth. The nauseous aroma causes bile to rise in my swollen throat. I attempt to choke down the burnt chards of tofu and quickly take a gulp of milk from my cold glass to rinse the horrible taste from my mouth. I stretch my sore, sickly hands across the hard, wooden table and glance down at the disgusting meal on my plate. The sight of the wretched food blurs my vision so I tightly grasp the table trying to regain my balance.

:-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[

Sitting at my desk, I nervously drum my fingers, waiting for the dreaded Calculus test. I anxiously raise my tense hand to my mouth and chew the last remnants of white from my ragged fingernails. Mr. Vertolli places the blank test on my desk. I grab my pencil with my rough, dry hand and look down at the empty test before me. A sigh of relief escapes from my lips when I realize I know how to answer the first question. My hand rushes excitedly down, writing out the solutions to all the questions. I pause when I reach the last question. All my previous doubts and worries return to me. My red, cracking hands shake as a wave of panic comes over me. My mind is blank as I repeatedly read the question. I wipe my forehead with my sweaty hand and swallow nervously. :-[