Insight from a Bee

"You are beautiful and wonderful and perfect."
Why can't I see what you see?
Why can't I love me?

I feel so useless sometimes. Like I contribute nothing. I feel as if I've been sitting in this same position for so long that I don't know how to stand up anymore. For years I have had a plan for my future and now that i'm almost at the next step, I'm not sure I want to go in this direction anymore. I'm not sure where my path is anymore.

Confused . . . lost . . . scared.

I am Alice and the broom sweepers have swept the path away ahead of and behind me. All that is left is the small square underneath my feet.

"It doesn't matter what you do,
It doesn't matter where you go,
as long as you are you.
You are beautiful. You are wonderful. You are perfect.
You are you."

I am me.
and I like me . . .
sometimes.

I scream of RED

Swimming in seas of red.
my head
spins.
Empty bottle -
none left to share.
Red red everywhere. (and none a drop to drink)
Berry aftertaste. Delicious red.
Cheap twist; twist for me
drunken haze.
Long works days.

I'll grow my hair
till it reaches the floor.

Non sense
no sense.

Night Mares

Ghostly visages swim in the air around me. As I gasp for air,
dead horses gallop through my lungs
stealing my breath.

I cannot breathe.

The air is cold around me. Hoof beats drum in my ears.
I cannot block out the sound. The volume increases:
louder - louder;
they come from all sides.

Riders of the night.

They form a circle around me in the air.
Their eyeless gaze follows my movements as
I thrash about on my bed. While I twist, the sheets wrap
around my limbs and constrict me.

I cannot move.

Night Tremors.

Stolen pictures

Hanging pictures
from the ceiling.
And she never knew.
Stalking - always watching
and she never knew;
She never knew.

Caressing her soft skin,
as he gently constricts
her arms on the ground
with his knees.
He kindly presses the knife
to her pale throat
to quell her screams.

Hanging pictures
from the ceiling.
And she never knew.
Stalking - always watching
and she never knew;
She never knew.

As the tears streak
down her flush cheeks,
he sensually licks
the blood from her wounds.
The fear inside rises
to her eyes
and she knows she
Cannot escape his -
his lust.
His love.

Hanging pictures
from the ceiling.
And she never knew.
Stalking - always watching
and she never knew;
She never knew.

Bruises slowly appear
on the surface of her broken body.
Coughing blood and spewing phlegm.
She realizes she
Cannot escape his wrath -
Cannot escape him.
She's come undone.
She's moving on . . .

Hanging pictures
from the ceiling.
And she never knew.
Stalking - always watching
and she never knew;
She never knew.

Silence

Creeping above the night sky - ducking under stars.
Quiet. Quiet.
Rolling over sea waves and stepping on top of logs.
Quiet. Quiet.
Inching past the meadows; slithering between the grass.
Quiet. Quiet.
Sneaking through the desert: wading among the sands.
Quiet. Quiet.
Skulking in the flowerbeds. Tip-toeing on the daisies.
Quiet. Quiet.
Quite Quiet.

Camping Trip

I went on a camping trip on the civic holiday long weekend and I decided to post the link to my camping pictures on my blog in case anyone wants to see them. I had a lot of fun. And I went swimming in my underwear!! I haven't done that since I was a kid. I know, i'm such a prude - so conservative in some respects. All the girls were sitting on the floating dock and our pants/shorts were getting wet so we all decided to take them off and swim in our underwear. I put my pants back on before getting out of the water though (see statement above referring to prudeness). We bought a ridiculous amount of beer. There is a picture of a tower of beer cases, and that was the beer for one night, lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the pictures and excuse this short break from creative writing.

camping pictures

The Fallen

Blood drips down my leg
Searing hot pain and scratches.
Home is far away.


Gravel in my cuts -
Night of dancing ends with blood.
Never ending pain.

attempted Free verse

sleepy, tired, wretched, bored. no answer. Silence surrounds me. Suffocating in nothingness, the walls close in around me. Hunger pains in my stomach. I haven't eaten anything today and it feels as if my stomach is digesting itself for energy. stuck here; no food, no drink, each second that ticks past feels like a decade wasted. Waiting for someone to answer.
"Is anybody out there?"
Where is everyone? The desolate wasteland is sucking the life energy out of my soul. How do I escape from my self-created cell? I need sustenance. I need change; something - anything happen! Emptiness stems from nothing - the nothing that encases me on all sides. No way out. Help! I need somebody! Help! Not just anybody. Help! You know I need someone please! anxious, scared, shattered, and shaken. I need to escape from this place - the pit of my anxiety is growing - the hole is deeper with each passing minute. No way out! No way out! Trapped. Darkness. The last light has burnt out.

sun Days off

blistering HEAT (with dirty feet)
flip-Flops walkin' (on the sideWalk) cloppin'
stiCKY and sweaTY
cool breeze (hot sun
feelin' sweaty) feelin' happy.
30 degrees and SWELTerING.
i love the HEAT!
nothing makes me smile like walking
(on a hot day). no work today.

"We're givin' it up to the sun."

Incomplete Thoughts

Summer heat jumps off the Street

sweltering pavement
dripping icecream
sweat-soaked clothes.
icy water
fan breeze
cushioned recliner.



Battles
The view: loud sounds and flashes of light in my face.
and they looked like death . . .
and they were.



Orlando

Her tears - for a thousand years
stuck in place - fall down his face.
Wasted time - it burns like lime
in his eyes - slips though her skies.
He was young - his heart unsung
of stories bold - now she's old.

While the sun pales, he sails
without lights - the starless nights.
Dark waters splash, he acts brash
to stop the dip on the ship.
"He's to blame!" the crew exclaim
to their toes, "for all our woes".

She treads on glass; servants pass
through the heat; with slipper'd feet.
Rich satin, books in latin,
music trills with puffs and frills-
drowning in her pink gowning,
no skin bare with pulled tight hair.